My beautiful baby A,
What a week it’s been, I still can’t believe you’re here baby boy! I feel so incredibly blessed right now, as well as slightly overwhelmed.
I’ve fallen completely in love with you, baby A. When I was pregnant, I had the thoughts every second time mum has, wondering how you can possibly love another child as much as your first born. But now I understand what people meant when they said it’s not about sharing the love that I have for T and that love expands and grows when another child is born.
You’re absolutely perfect. I love your chubby little cheeks, your tiny button nose, your soft hair, your intoxicating newborn smell that I just want to bottle. Your little misshapen ears that were the result of being so squashed in my womb, now gradually unfolding. The way you make little snuffles and squeaks in your sleep and smile as you dream. Your adorable little open mouth searching for food; I pretend you’re giving me kisses when I lift you up to kiss your little face before I feed you. Your perfect little toes and tiny grasping hands.
You’re similar to your brother, yet different too. Sometimes I look at you and am taken aback when I see little T looking back at me. But you are your own little person, already showing your likes and dislikes.
You’re such an easy going baby, as long as you’re fed, you’re happy to sit in your bouncy chair and take in this brand new world. You’re sleeping well at night (as well as any newborn can!) and are an absolute pro at breastfeeding. You’d even put on 4oz at 5 days old when most babies have lost weight.
We had a rather longer than anticipated stay in hospital as you needed a course of IV antibiotics. You were being checked regularly when you were first born as there had been a lot of thick meconium in my waters. When you were about 12 hours old one of the midwives noticed that you were breathing too fast. We saw a paediatrician who checked you over and said you were fine. Several hours later your breathing still hadn’t settled down and I ended up sitting with you in an assessment room at 3 o’clock in the morning being reviewed by another paediatrician who seemed less sure that all was well. She took some blood and did a chest x-ray. That’s when you were started on the antibiotics.
The following day, completely out of the blue, we were told we needed to take you down to the high dependency unit for a lumbar puncture. I went to pieces when I heard those words. Complete horror that my tiny, helpless baby would have to go through such an unpleasant procedure; the fear of knowing that it was a test for meningitis.
When we got down to the unit, we were told that the blood test that had been taken the previous night had been checking the CRP, a marker for infection. A result of less than 10 was normal, yours had been 85. As it was so high, they needed to try and find the source of the infection. We weren’t allowed to stay with you for the procedure, so we sat in a waiting room with little T who had just arrived with my mum. After 15 minutes, the nurse brought you back. She said you’d been a very brave boy.
Fortunately the results came back clear. The doctors thought it was probably a bloodstream infection as nothing else had shown up on the tests. I had to take you to the high dependency unit at 4am and 4pm every day for antibiotics. Then on Saturday morning when you were 5 days old you had another blood test which showed your CRP was down to 8.7 so we could go home!
It was so tough being away from your brother while we were in hospital. As time went on he became more and more upset when it was time to leave, not understanding why he couldn’t stay with Mummy. But, in some ways it was lovely to spend some time just with you, really getting to know you.
We’ve only had one full day at home so far. It’s been somewhat chaotic, trying to meet yours and your brother’s needs. But we’ll get there. I have a feeling you’re going to slot perfectly into our lives and bring more love and joy to our home than I could ever have imagined.
All my love,