This week I’ve remembered why I hate the first trimester. I’m already sick and tired of always feeling sick and tired! I’m still getting really hungry, which makes me feel sick. But I’m starting to go off a lot of food and drink so there’s often nothing I really fancy. But I force myself to eat something and it makes me feel sick. I’ve not thrown up yet, but I’ve been retching a fair bit so it won’t be long.
The tiredness is a real challenge when trying to look after an active toddler. I feel so guilty that I’m not the Mummy that little T needs and wants, but I just have zero energy. I find it hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago I was running around with T, playing, and even doing crafts (very occasionally). Just the thought of it makes me feel exhausted.
The period-like cramps seem to be settling down, which is a relief. Each day that passes I feel a little more hopeful that we will end up with a baby in July. As much as I hate the sickness, it is also reassuring because at least it means my hormone levels are nice and high.
I told my boss this week. She was happy for me, but when she heard what the age gap will be (2 years 3 months), she said, ‘wow, good luck.’ That didn’t fill me with confidence. Now that she knows, I’ll be ‘co-ordinating’ the oncology side of the department once a week (I pretty much do that anyway at the moment) so that I’m only going to be exposed to chemo one day a week. We’re very careful anyway around the drugs, but I’m that little bit extra cautious when I’m pregnant. I also need to be aware of any patients that are radioactive due to treatment or scans.
I was very excited to get my scan date through this week for 5th January! I can’t wait.