I’ve not really written much about my feelings about this pregnancy since I wrote in my week 5 update that I felt as though we had made a huge mistake. I really had no idea how we would cope with a second child, especially when some days I find one child a big enough challenge! I also thought we would be ruining little T’s life.
Fortunately I didn’t feel like that for very long (that feeling was soon taken over by intense nausea and exhaustion!). But I have since realised that little T is going to be the most amazing big brother. He absolutely adores his baby cousin and, although he’s very shy around other toddlers/older children, he loves being around babies. He loves talking to them, kissing them gently, and showing them things. He also has some understanding that there is a baby in Mummy’s tummy, he loves kissing and talking to my tummy. I realise it’s not all going to be smooth sailing, however. Little T will have to get used to sharing Mummy and Daddy’s attention, and his love of babies may wear a little thin when there’s one there day in day out.
As for how we will cope, well I think we just will. The newborn days are a recent enough memory that I know it’s going to be hard, but I also know that looking back it was over in the blink of an eye. Little T sometimes has bad nights and on nights like that I think, ‘if T wakes up every two hours and I have a newborn, when will I actually sleep?’ But I’ve survived severe sleep deprivation before and I can do it again. Plus the baby is due in July and my mum will be off work until September as she works in a school so I’m sure I will be able to call on her for babysitting duties so I can get some sleep in those tough early weeks!
In other news, I went back to the GP about the lump in my boob as she said to get it checked again in a couple of weeks. I saw a different doctor and she was absolutely positive that it was nothing to worry about but she offered to refer me to the hospital so I can be 100% reassured that it’s nothing. I decided to accept the referral as otherwise it would be in the back of my mind every time I looked after a young breast cancer patient at work. So I’ve been referred under the ‘2 week wait’ for suspected cancer, even though my GP is certain that it’s not cancer.