I always wanted a big family. Now we have T, I’m thinking we will have another 1 or 2 maximum, my original plan for four children sounds very expensive and like a lot of work!
I imagine him older and playing together with a brother (for some reason I can’t imagine having a girl). I don’t want him to be an only child, I want him to have someone to grow up with, to play with and share jokes with. I loved being pregnant and, despite T’s birth not going to plan, I can’t wait to experience labour and birth again. Also seeing my Dad and uncle dealing with both of their parents developing dementia at the same time, care homes, hospitals and the death of my Grandad, also makes me realise how important it would be for T to have a sibling when he’s older. But when is the right time?
We were incredibly lucky and I got pregnant very quickly after we started trying. I realise for a lot of people it’s not simply a case of deciding to have a baby and bam! you’re pregnant. I worry that it won’t be as straightforward next time, maybe it will take longer, maybe we will experience a loss.
I was sooo broody when T was about 10 months old. I’m so pleased that S talked me out of trying for another baby then- baby number two would have been born while T was still a baby himself.
If we were to start trying now there would be more like a 2-2 1/2 year age gap, which is about what I had originally planned. But now I’m not sure. T is at such a great age, he’s so much fun and is learning stuff all the time, I feel like I want to focus all my time and energy on him. I felt so awful during the first trimester, I can’t imagine how I would be able to be the good Mummy that T deserves while feeling so exhausted and sick. I can imagine I would feel guilty a lot of the time while pregnant. I also remember how hard having a newborn is, how will I cope with toddler to look after too?
T gets a bit jealous when I’m pretending to cuddle teddies and pulls them away from me. It makes me worry what he would be like with a baby. He would be old enough to feel jealous but not old enough to understand why he has to wait while I feed/change the baby.
At the moment T sleeps in a co-sleeper cot in our room and I cuddle him to sleep. I love doing this. If we had another baby they would have to go in the co-sleeper and T would have move into his own room. I really don’t want to have to do this, I love our sleepy cuddles and having him right next to me, it’s something that I will seriously miss.
I realise there’s no rush to have a second. I’m 29, S is 32. But I don’t want a big age gap though. I want my children to grow up together and have similar interests. I don’t want to have forgotten what to do with a baby by the time the second comes along. I also want to get all the sleepless nights out of the way as soon as possible!
It feels like such a massive decision. I said to S it feels like a much bigger decision than when we decided to have T. I guess it’s because it’s going to turn three people’s worlds upside down instead of just two.
What age gap do you have? Is there ever a good time to have a second baby?